i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
