um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
