are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
