I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
