Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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