First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
