There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
