508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
