What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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