So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
