I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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