the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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