I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
