Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
