I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
