We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
