marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
