You just made me feel so damn special
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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