You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
