just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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