I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
