I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
