You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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