I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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