I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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