I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I deserve this hangover.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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