laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
