nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
