we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
