I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
