Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
