Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
