new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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