every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
