Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
