There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
