don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
