Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
