there's paper in my vomit.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im six kinds of drunk right now
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
