I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The uberlube is also flammable
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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