He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
