just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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