It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
