Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
