exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
