After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
