I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
