carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Enjoy the penises
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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