Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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