just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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