I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
